3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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