bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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