STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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