I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made out with two different species that night
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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