Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
