there's paper in my vomit.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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