Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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