dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
