I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
