from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
