there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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