I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Randomize
