Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
