my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just invented taco cereal.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
