No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
