I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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