If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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