So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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