Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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