D3 body, D1 cock
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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