you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
