i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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