im gay
i know
yea but for you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
