cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
