2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
