The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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