i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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