i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
