So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
