You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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