My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need water and some morals
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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