I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
A+ Viking dick
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
