if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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