my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
