Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
