I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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