It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
