Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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