Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
