I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
