with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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