I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
