I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
