i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
