I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
