hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
