i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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