i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
