You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
