i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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