I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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